It’s been a long time since we had a nice rant and both Judith and I feel there’s no time like the present. Or maybe it’s just that we got so sick of bitching to each other about all our YA complaints that we’ve decided to drag you all down with us. But just like how the new Step Up movie is using dance as a form of revolution (btw, seriously??) we are going to use our rant as a voice of the people!
That being said this rant is slightly different than my previous cautionary tale. This is not about a specific author but about things we keep seeing over and over again in books and can no longer keep quiet about. Also, this is a co-sponsored Judith/Ellen rant, rather than a solo fight against bad writing and friends who loan you awful books with no warning of what is about to come. So let’s get started.
Dear Authors,
While we do love your books we are troubled by the serious lack of research and editing that runs rampant through current YA novels. I know that many would disagree but it is our feeling that before pressing that “publish” button (not that I have any idea how this actually works) everything should be triple checked and edited to the nth degree. As we all know, “with great power comes great responsibility.” Here are just a few of our major pet peeves:
1) 
New York City. I understand that setting your book in NYC offers a wealth of opportunities that other cities just don’t provide. After all, world famous supermodels normally don’t mingle with rock stars in Syracuse. But if you’re going to set your book in New York PLEASE for the love of Prada get a few things right. First of all – no one in NYC drives a car. While the über-rich do have drivers who are at their disposal 24/7, the average person never drives in the city. Hell, I lived in New York for 9 years without ever driving. I’m sick of all these stories where every character owns and drives their own car and has no trouble finding parking. Ridiculous. Second – yes, the island of Manhattan is only 13.5 miles long but please keep in mind that this is not like driving your average 13.5 miles. You can’t get from the Upper West Side to Wall Street in 15 minutes, even though they’re like 5 miles apart. Think an hour at least, unless you get caught in a traffic jam or your train is running on a Sunday schedule. Ugh and don’t even get me started on random MTA construction, who knows what that’ll do to your journey. Trips from Wall Street to Brooklyn can take 20 minutes or an hour and a half depending on stupid construction (and that’s a mile as the crow flies).
2) 
Google is your friend. I recently read a book where not only did one character get sooo excited that her boyfriend flew “100 miles” from California to Princeton, NJ to see her but then took her to a hotel roof-top where “she could now see clearly most of the land that made up New Jersey. From here she had a three-hundred-sixty degree view of the city.” (Direct quote). Seriously? A two second Google search will show you that the distance from Cali to NJ is over 2,500 miles. And New Jersey is a state not a city!! Yes, maybe I’m overly sensitive about this since it’s currently (lamentably?) the state in which both Judith and I live but I’m pretty sure no one on Earth has escaped the wonderfulness that is Jersey Shore and should for that reason, at the very least, realize that NJ is a state which cannot be viewed in its entirety while visiting a rooftop bar. Jeesh.
3) 
Basic word usage. Normally little things like grammar and the correct word choice don’t bother me–oh, who am I kidding?! They do. In fact, they bother me a lot! So much so that I have to point this out to all the authors who do it: ‘drug’ is not the past tense of ‘drag’. OMG! This has cropped up so much lately that it’s ridiculous. Let me say it again, DRUG IS NOT THE PAST TENSE OF DRAG.
Along the same vein, the phrase is ‘intents and purposes’ not ‘intensive purposes’. I don’t even want to ponder what ‘intensive purposes’ means. Critical purposes? I have to admit: I made this rookie mistake oh way back in 1996 when I was fresh and young and had only heard adults say it around me and wanted to appear worldly and smart in my writing. It took a few years and a lot of reading to learn how stupid and naive it sounded when I wrote ‘intensive purposes’. But I am telling you now, you are a writer and it doesn’t make any sense so stop. Just stop.
4) 
A comma is not a period. I repeat, a comma is not a period. So many writers these days don’t seem to understand what a sentence is and where it stops. Now, I’m all for your freedom of expression: you should be able to use a comma however you want in a loosey goosey fashion that makes your writing seem poetic or lyrical or whatever you want to call it. But as soon as all those commas start to annoy me, it’s done. Over. Finished. Time to revert to using a period once again. And let’s be honest here, the period has been in use for a long time because it obviously works.
5) 
Stupid character names. For the love of all that is holy, what is with all the crazy and heavy handed character names lately? What happened to Sarah and John? LJ Smith wrote using names like Jenny and Matt and she’s now an internationally famous author with two TV series under her belt. Believe me: if she can do it, you can too. But no, I am consistently subjected to a slew of names like Finn, Mackenzie, Beau, Sawyer, Jude, Dank, Celeste, Lucy, etc. Now don’t get me wrong. These are good names (except maybe Dank cause that’s just crazypants). There is nothing wrong with them. My problem is that not just one or two characters has crazy names because even that would be acceptable. No, the entire character set has whacked out trendy names and it just makes it difficult to read and connect with them.
So there you have it, our top YA pet peeves (that come to mind, I’m sure next time we chat we’ll realize a few we’ve forgotten). Now really, is all this too much to ask? To all the authors out there please heed these few warnings and your books will be so much better for it! At the very least think of poor Judith and I who spend SO much time complaining to each other ad nauseum and are hoping to make the world a better place for all the book bloggers out there!
XOXO,
Ellen and Judith
Cathy Zaragoza
/ July 26, 2012Haha I agree with all of this. I love normal character names for the most part. My one exception is Twilight, because they all have normal names except,only if we were alive during prohibition or the age of colonization. It just doesn’t work.
And as someone who has taken the flight from LA to NJ at least 30 times, I think this is hilarious. It’s a 5 hour flight, which usually involves a Nicholas Sparks movie. Then there’s a nice 80 minute train ride between Newark and Princeton that pretty much only features the Anheuser Busch Brewery. What book is this?
My one YA pet peeve is ridiculous eye color. Why the hell do girls in YA books always have sapphire eyes with flecks of gold that catch the rays of the sun and penetrate the cold exterior of the mysterious hottie who wears leather jackets? Emerald eyes. Mint green with flecks of topaz. Ugh. My eyes are BROWN. Brown like brown. Let’s all just be normal for a hot sec and admit that we have very basic eye colors.
…and I think I just went on a rant within your rant, which is a sign that I need to get off the internet.
ellen4ya
/ July 26, 2012Eye color!!!! YES! I’m so jealous of all these people with amazing flecks in their eyes. I can honestly say I’ve never in my life noticed flecks in anyone’s eyes. Oh wait, maybe Jensen Ackles but who can resist the amazingness that is Dean Winchester? And wtf are “penetrating” eyes?? Am I the only person who pictures laser beams when that description is given?
The book was “The Heaven I Found in Hell”. All I can say is thank God I borrowed it for free through Amazon Prime. When I got to the part about the guy visiting Princeton I almost threw my Kindle across the room.
Oh and I LOVE that brewery because whenever I’m on a flight to Newark as soon as I see it I’m like “YES! Only like 10 minutes til we’re on the ground!”
Jenn Cooksey (@Jenn_Cooksey)
/ July 27, 2012LOL! I love everything about this post, although a couple of my characters have somewhat unusual eyes. HOWEVER!! I do base the unusualness of their eyes off of real people that I know.
Oh and serious bonus points for appreciating and mentioning his hotness, Jensen. #SupernaturalFTW
Judith
/ July 27, 2012Laser beams?! Buwahaha! I never laugh out loud but the combination of the Stupid Names photo you drew with the X through it and the laser beams comment has me dying! And I helped write this rant. HILARIOUS!
Seriously though I have to admit I like the crazy eye colors. It helps establish the hero/heroine when pesky things like writing well and using adjectives would have done the trick. This is different and lets us know right away who’s important and who’s not. Brown eyes = secondary character. Azure eyes with silver rings that widen and narrow with a changing mood??? OMG that’s the hero right there!!!
Melissa
/ July 26, 2012This! On the heels of that book Which Shall Not Be Named, I heartily agree with all of this. I cannot understand why doing simple research is such an impossible thing for some writers. And I feel the same way y’all do about people setting the scene in NYC, except it’s Chicago for me. I live close enough that I’m there quite often, so I know it pretty well, and as soon as someone sets their novel up there, I’m hyper aware of any mistakes they make in getting their facts straight. If you’re unsure and it’s a city you don’t live in, it will not kill you to fact check or ask someone. I mean, I feel like the odds are pretty favorable to find someone from NYC or another large metropolitan area on the internet who would be willing to help.
Hah, Dank. Yeah. I was trying to explain the book that decided to name its male hottie DANK to a friend, and every time I had to say that name out loud, I got embarrassed. Granted, there are some unconventional, pretty names that people have, but like you said, one or two in a character set max. Beyond that, I have a hard time taking it seriously. For every Jayda I know (1), there are four Jennifers and five Katies.
Another big YA pet peeve of mine, which also bleeds over into adult fiction, is the jerkface male love interest. Oh man, I don’t know how much more I can take of the YA heroine swooning over a guy who treats her like a child, or like she’s an inconvenience, or is just basically a condescending jerk. And it’s suddenly okay because they’re so devastatingly attractive, and they never get called out on their behavior. I’m looking at you, Dank, Jace, and Patch (argghh, those NAMES).
I can’t resist Dean Winchester, either. No willpower when it comes to the Ackles.
ellen4ya
/ July 26, 2012Please tell me there isn’t actually a book in which the main dude is named Patch? Who can read that without thinking of “Patch Adams” (and then crying, cause that was a total tear-jerker)??
I do have to admit that I have a weakness for certain non-typical male names, but only if the character can actually live up to it. I had a guy friend who, when talking about Colt McCoy, said “if you’re going to give your son a name like ‘Colt’ he either needs to be an amazing football player or he’s going to get beat up.” If you’re going to name your hero “Zane” he better be kick-ass or else I’m done with it all.
On the jerkface issue I have a max. He’s a jerk for 30 pages but then changes? I can handle it. But if he’s a complete douchenozzle until the last 20 pages and then magically transforms due to the power of love…I just can’t. Also, I’m so sick of all those books where I swear I’m spending more time yelling at the girl to have some self respect than actually enjoying the plot.
I knew we would come up with more pet peeves after I posted!!!
Melissa
/ July 27, 2012Oh yes, there is an entire trilogy with a main guy (sorry, angel. Gets better and better, doesn’t it?) named Patch. It’s the Hush, Hush trilogy, by Becca FitzPatrick. I never made it past the first book. I can’t speak for the whole trilogy, but in that book, he never even transformed into a likeable guy near the end. He stayed true to his douchecanoe roots. (Patch Adams totally made me cry, too).
Speaking of giving your kid a non-typical name, my friend named her youngest boy Rocco. When she first told me, I thought, oh, this kid has quite a name to live up to. I hope, for his sake, that he’s a freakin’ rockstar; otherwise, I see Rocco the Raccoon in his future. Based on his older brothers and his parents, and how chill this kid actually is, though, I think he’ll be just fine.
It’s also funny that one of the names you mentioned was Jude…and I’m totally using that name for a character in something I’m working on, HAH. But the great thing about the bad fiction that does it all wrong is the learning curve. It’s like highlights on what NOT to do with your characters.
It IS sad when you’re reading, and the heroine stands up for herself, and you’re actually excited and proud like it never happens, because sometimes it just never really happens. We need more fictional girls like that. I want to read a book where the guy is a jerk who deliberately withholds information, acts condescending and mysterious, plays with the girl’s emotions, even though he’s really really hot, and the girl goes, “You know what? I don’t need this. I’d rather be alone.” Granted, this is YA and we didn’t always make the best decisions when we were teenagers, but it would be a shining example.
Or, no, you know what I want to read? Nice guys. With an edge. He can even start off kinda jerky, like you said, but there’s got to be a reason for it, and at least make him entertaining while the heroine and I are fuming at him, but don’t excuse his behavior. He can be a sarcastic, smirky tease, but could we throw in some positive, endearing qualities too? (Not that being sarcastic can’t be awesome, because I love sarcasm when used appropriately)
Final other pet peeve: Excessive facial description. We get it. He’s hot. I heard you the first two dozen times you talked about his jaw.
James Wymore
/ July 27, 2012Althpugh I see your point on the names, I have to say, a lot of kids have names these days that are “whacked out crazy names.” but you are right that SOME of the characters need traditional names still.
Cynthia
/ July 27, 2012LOL loved this
sorry but Patch definitely bugged me too, name and character. Didn’t read past the first book either. I do however have a daughter named Lucy .. she has the most beautiful red hair. 
I Love YA Fiction
/ July 27, 2012Lucy as a name is acceptable (actually very pretty); it’s when combined with umpteen other unusual names that we go batty!
Angela
/ July 27, 2012I agree with a lot of this post. But I have to say the name thing could be regional, I live in Ga. I went to school with 3 Beaus and 2 Sawyers (although Sawyer was a boy’s name in both cases.) My daughter’s daycare class has 2 Beaus right now and 1 Sawyer- still a boy. So to me~ they are totally acceptable and normal names. The other names I can see as being weird. As much as that would bother me, it is the special spellings of the normal names that I am having an issue with.
I Love YA Fiction
/ July 28, 2012Oooh, good call! Hate when there’s random Ys in names though it can be done well in real life. It’s hard to read a book when there’s a ton of other uniquely odd names thrown in though. It gets me sidetracked and I have trouble connecting with the characters (as mentioned above).
You’ve all convinced me: I retract the Sawyer and Beau comment. And Lucy too. Totally acceptable. But if they are mixed with a bagillion other trendy names all bets are off!
Richelle S
/ July 28, 2012Great post! But, as far as the names go, I have to disagree (except maybe Dank and Patch – weird!). My dad is Rich and he decided to name his kids Jerriah, Richelle, Tonia , and Danielle (and his mom’s name is Bernelda!). So, I agree with Angela that it depends on the location. I’m a teacher near Chicago and I always have several names I’ve never heard of!!!
Liz
/ July 30, 2012I have to agree with so much of this as a reader. As a writer, however, I am TOTALLY guilty of wanting unique names for everyone (sorry!). But I figured circus folk probably have some funky names, so I’m hoping this is the exception. The new WIP only has one quirky name so far and thanks to knowing it drives readers nuts, I can check myself before I wreck myself on the next round of naming.
My other pet peeve is gorgeous people. I always aim to make my main characters cute, but not necessarily the most gorgeous girls in the entire universe. It’s okay to be normal. That makes the journey that much more special for a character because she didn’t get somewhere just on her looks alone.
James Wymore
/ July 30, 2012If you have super heroes, wizards or other people who might name themselves you should expect the names to go weird.
I Love YA Fiction
/ July 31, 2012I agree wholeheartedly with that: paranormal stuff is an acceptable venue for the crazy names but only if the people with the crazy names have direct involvement in the paranormal; otherwise it gets confusing!
Rebecca @ Crunchings and Munchings
/ August 2, 2012HERE BE TRUTHS!
Katja
/ August 3, 2012“Intensive purposes” has been one of my pet peeves for years! Seeing you mention it made me laugh.